Reasons that often lead to divorce:
There are numerous reasons marriages end in divorce. The following reasons have been identified as some of the most common factors leading to divorce:
- Lack of commitment
- Communication issues
- Inequality in marriage
- Physical and emotional abuse
- Addiction issues
- Unrealistic expectations
- Financial difficulties/how money is managed
Predictors of Divorce:
- Constant criticism with very little encouragement or positive communication
- Lack of respect for spouse
- Stonewalling (deliberate avoidance of interaction and discussion of problems) which often leads to difficulty in resolving arguments or disagreements.
- Therapy is usually done on an individual basis.
- Goal of sessions can be to address symptoms related to guilt, fear, anxiety, depression and grief
- Therapy can provide an objective and rational perspective and assists in developing coping skills to work through difficulties.
- Therapy as a means of learning more about themselves and come to see the life transition as an opportunity for growth and personal development.
- Divorce may contribute to or exacerbate certain mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, or personality diagnoses.
- Many people perceive divorce as a personal failure. Therapy can help one work through those feelings, make sense of the end of the marriage, and obtain a new perspective.
- Individuals may learn more about what they require from a relationship and what they do not desire in a relationship, and they may, through therapy, discover more about their own nature and personal characteristics.Therapy for children whose parents are divorcing.
- Because parents may often be consumed with their own feelings during a divorce, they might overlook the emotional state of their children, who may be confused or feel guilt, loss, pain, or abandonment.
- Children may not be sure which parent they should “choose,” or be loyal to, and they might also worry that they are the cause of the divorce.
- When parents are aggressive with each other, a child may feel even more fearful, and a child who often hears his or her parents argue about custody arrangements might feel as if he or she is unwanted by either parent, or as if he or she is to blame for the separation.
- If family members are able to discuss their feelings they may be able to process their emotions more easily and better adjust to the changes.
Adjusting After Divorce
- Recovering is a process.
- Adjusting to changes that occur can take time.
- Part of the process is often the recognition of newly divorced people, whether they initiated the divorce or not, that their lives and the lives of those around them have been profoundly affected by their situation.
- Worries about financial solvency, employment, or housing may affect them.
- Stress over losing friends or family members as a result of the divorce can also be difficult to deal with.
- Parents may be emotionally overwhelmed by guilt as they consider what effects the divorce may have on their children.
These issues can often be worked through during the recovery process. An individual in therapy may be more able to discover necessary coping techniques that can help in the establishment of a new life, and the individual may have an easier time developing a healthy perspective on the divorce.
Therapy can also often provide people with a safe, encouraging, and empowering experience during what might, for some, be a difficult time.
- Therapy for grief after divorce: Mark and Linda, a couple in their early thirties who has no children, come in for marriage counseling, as they are considering separation. Linda wants to save the marriage, however, Mark is ready to leave. After two or three sessions, it becomes clear to all involved that Mark has made up his mind. The therapist helps the couple to talk about their relationship openly in such a way that Mark and Linda are both able to learn, grow as individuals, and prepare for separation. After the separation occurs, the therapist continues to work with Linda to help her manage her grief and begin moving forward as a single woman.
- Divorce after a 30-year marriage: Nathan, 59, enters therapy after divorcing his wife of 30 years. Nathan’s children are grown. He has been unhappy for years. He hoped the divorce would make him feel better, but instead finds that he is devastated by the loss. His wife, who had not wanted a divorce, now seems to Nathan “to be doing fine,” and this confuses him terribly. He even spoke to his wife about reconciling, but she was uninterested. Nathan thinks that is for the best, but he cannot seem to make the adjustment to being single. A therapist helps Nathan identify his fears about being single and then assists him in beginning to develop the skills and support system he needs to stay connected with people and feel hopeful about the future. Together, they identify the benefits of marriage that Nathan has chosen to give up and the benefits of being single that he can now enjoy. Nathan has also developed methods of getting in touch with his grief and his guilt surrounding the divorce, his positive feelings towards his ex-wife, and his fears about being able to stay connected with his children.
Our goal is to assist you in coping with the decision to remain in a marriage or leave. Both, individual or couples therapy may also be used to address these goals.
Attention- Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Signs and Symptoms
It is normal for children to have trouble focusing and behaving at one time or another. However, children with ADHD do not just grow out of these behaviors. The symptoms continue and can cause difficulty at school, at home, or with friends.
A child with ADHD might:
- daydream a lot
- forget or lose things a lot
- squirm or fidget
- talk too much
- make careless mistakes or take unnecessary risks
- have a hard time resisting temptation
- have trouble taking turns
- have difficulty getting along with others
Types of ADHD:
- Predominantly Inattentive Presentation: It is hard for the individual to organize or finish a task, to pay attention to details, or to follow instructions or conversations. The person is easily distracted or forgets details of daily routines.
- Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Presentation: The person fidgets and talks a lot. It is hard to sit still for long (e.g., for a meal or while doing homework). Smaller children may run, jump or climb constantly. The individual feels restless and has trouble with impulsivity. Someone who is impulsive may interrupt others a lot, grab things from people, or speak at inappropriate times. It is hard for the person to wait their turn or listen to directions. A person with impulsiveness may have more accidents and injuries than others.
- Combined Presentation: Symptoms of the above two types are equally present in the person.Because symptoms can change over time, the presentation may change over time as well.
In most cases, ADHD is best treated with a combination of behavior therapy and medication. For preschool-aged children (4-5 years of age) with ADHD, behavior therapy, particularly training for parents, is recommended as the first line of treatment. No single treatment is the answer for every child and good treatment plans will include close monitoring, follow-ups and any changes needed along the way.
If you are concerned about a child’s behavior, it is important to discuss these concerns with the child’s healthcare provider.
Checklist: Signs and Symptoms of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
This checklist describes the types of symptoms that a healthcare provider will ask about in the process of deciding whether a child has ADHD. You can use this checklist to help you start the conversation.
Deciding if a child has ADHD is a process with several steps. There is no single test to diagnose ADHD, and many other problems, like anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and certain types of learning disabilities, can have similar symptoms.
The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fifth edition (DSM-5) is used by mental health professionals to help diagnose ADHD. The criteria are presented here in modified form in order to make them more accessible to the general public. They are listed here for information purposes and should be used only by trained healthcare providers to diagnose or treat ADHD.
Simply fill out the child’s name, age and today’s date and then check off the signs or symptoms the child has shown. Print and take the completed checklist to your child’s healthcare provider.
(Source: Center for Disease Control and Prevention/ www.cdc.gov)
Build your Better Marriage with Couples Counseling
Couples counseling is a process through which a couple (who may be engaged, dating, married, partnered—or sometimes even parent and child or other pairings) works with our trained therapist to identify specific areas of conflict and/or aspects of their relationship they would like to change. Through counseling we develop a plan of action to improve each individual’s satisfaction and contentment.
At In The Garden Counseling you’d be working with a therapist in a safe, and confidential setting. This allows couples to explore how their individual backgrounds, beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors may be impacting their relationship in both positive, and negative, ways. Our therapist may assist the couple with addressing any immediate and pressing problems, as well as developing strategies for protecting and enhancing the long-term health and happiness of their relationship.
While couples and marriage counseling can be done in healthy relationships to build a closer bond and strengthen a marriage, the following warning signs may help identify underlying issues for couples:
- Distancing from your partner
- Cheating Behavior
- Increased Arguments
- Ignoring reoccurring issues.
- About to make big life decisions
While we’ve listed some key indicators, we acknowledge that counseling services can cover multiple facets of a relationship. Building a stronger relationship is the ultimate goal.
Counseling and therapy for parents can be beneficial in various ways. Some parents may become stressed by a particular parenting challenge, be it a one-time event or recurring situation. When a child faces a mental health concern, or behavioral issue, a parent may find help for the children leaving their own emotions, and feelings, unaddressed.
This can be harmful in some cases as stress may accumulate, and leave the parent feeling overwhelmed. In therapy, a parent can address their feelings about certain issues, find support and guidance, and seek professional help for parenting issues and concerns.
Being proactive is a great way to avoid the raised stressed levels of parenting with avoiding your own emotional support. However, if you find yourself matching any or all of these simple indicators we encourage you to reach out and contact us so we can help you.
Parent Counseling Need Indicators:
- Shortened Temper
- Emotional Outburst
- Experiencing Depression on someone else’s behalf
It is good to recognize that while some of the indicators of needing parenting counseling may seem obvious there are multiple indicators that may be unique to you and you’re personality. If you feel there has been a large change in your behavior or emotional state stemming from becoming a parent or would like to develop better methods of responding to your child/children by utilizing positive parenting techniques, please contact us today to schedule the initial session.
Background experience consists of assisting parents in learning and developing parenting techniques through a local child abuse prevention agency. Positive outcomes are evidence of my passion for working with children and their families.
Additional Recommended Resources:
Family Counseling builds a bond to strengthen and unite your family
Family counseling is beneficial when a family experiences any stressful event or crisis that may strain family relationships. These consist of things such as financial hardship, divorce, or the death of a loved one. It can also be effective in treating mental health concerns that impact the family as a whole, such as depression, substance abuse, chronic illness, or everyday concerns, such as communication problems, interpersonal conflict, or behavioral problems in children and adolescents.
The overall goal of family counseling is to promote understanding, and collaboration among family members, in order to solve the problems of one or more individuals. For example, if a child is having social and academic problems, therapy will focus on the family patterns that may contribute to the child’s acting out, rather than evaluating the child’s behavior alone. As the family uncovers the source of the problem, they can learn to support the child, and other family members, while working proactively on minimizing or altering the conditions that contribute to the child’s unwanted behavior.
Johannah has worked in a school environment for approximately 20 years. This included grades K-12. A portion of this experience was obtained while working in an alternative school setting. In addition to this, Johannah taught a college success course in the early college program at Mitchell Community College in Statesville, NC. She also assisted parents in learning and developing parenting skills and techniques through a local child abuse prevention agency. Positive outcomes are evidence that she has a passion for working with children and their families. Contact us today to schedule sessions as a means of assisting your family with current symptoms that are being experienced.